Letting Go

During one of my many stretches of scrolling at some risky hour when I should be asleep but I’m enjoying my alone time too much, I came across this video from the wonderful Glennon Doyle, who makes me laugh and makes me think and always seems to know the right thing to say. She was preaching to fellow parents about screen time during quarantine, basically urging us to drop our stupid rules for a sec in the name of the often neglected concept of self-care. “TV time is PEACE TIME”, she kept saying, which honestly gave me a sigh of relief so deep, it brought tears to my eyes. And I wasn’t even that wine drunk!

I’ve always been a self-shamer when it comes to parenting, worrying that I’m not doing enough or doing too much, doubting my decisions and feeling judged by people who probably aren’t even looking anyway. It’s been four years and I still feel new at it, fumbling towards this weird goal of being a “great mom” instead of giving myself the permission to just be “good enough”. It’s exhausting and unhelpful, especially at a time like this.

This notion of abandoning some rules that don’t pertain to life or death in the name of preserving your own sanity was genuinely a revelation for me. What am I proving to whom by keeping to this bogus schedule and list of rules? Will it really kill him to eat a popsicle at 9am? If he wants to wear a hockey jersey and a pirate hat while we go for a walk, who cares? Is his little brain seriously going to turn into mush if he gets to watch a movie at noon when I’ve been entertaining him since the godforsaken sunrise like his own personal circus clown? Why oh why do I have to be such a perfectionist and such a stickler all the time? Because the blessed truth is, he’s safe, he’s healthy, and he’s also quite a happy little guy. And it’s high time I get to be happy too, guilt-free. It’s not like I haven’t heard of the concept of personal happiness. It’s in the name of my own blog, for crying out loud.

So we’ve reached the no mans land here, folks, on the island of Who Cares. I worry enough about the state of the world (note to self: cut back on thrice daily news briefings) without adding even more worry because of the state of my child’s screen time tally. Things will eventually go back to “normal” (even if it’s a different kind of normal than we’re all used to) and routines will begin again. But for now, I’m going to let Moana babysit him while he eats some Girl Guide cookies for morning snack. Also, sincere apologies to the lovely Girl Guide leader who dropped them off at our door free of charge, box sanitized, just to have me scream at the sound of the doorbell, “Well now who the fuck is THAT??”

Today I’m sharing with you one of my all-time fave breakfast/brunch/snack/dinner eggy meals that I never get sick of. It’s super easy to make and tastes just indulgent enough to mark it in the self-love column, but it’s actually full of nutrients and good-for-you fats. You can switch up the veggies with what you’ve got, change up the cheese, and make up your own variation to suit what makes you happy.


Let’s stay patient and be kind to ourselves.
Be safe.
xJ

Migas-Style Scrambled Eggs

Ingredients:

4 large eggs

1/4 cup whole milk

2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

1 small onion, diced

1 jalapeno, seeded and minced

1 bell pepper (I used yellow because that’s what I had)

2 corn tortillas

one avocado, diced

half a can of black beans, drained and rinsed

1/3 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese

salt and pepper

Directions:

Heat a large skillet over medium high heat. Add one tablespoon of the olive oil and sauté the onions, jalapeño, and bell pepper until softened, about 4 minutes. Season with some salt and pepper. Cut the tortillas into one inch cubes and add them to the pan, sautéing for another 3 minutes. Turn the heat down to medium. Beat the eggs with the milk and some salt and pepper. Add the remaining tablespoon of olive oil to the veggie pan and pour the eggs in, stirring gently until scrambled, about 3 or 4 minutes, depending on how soft you like your scramble. Stir in the black beans, turn off the heat, then sprinkle with the cheese. Top with the diced avocado and serve alongside hot buttered toast.

Serves 2

16 Comments Add yours

  1. Jo Kemp says:

    I think you are both doing a great job as parents.
    We met you and Charlie in Melbourne last August and really enjoyed chatting about being parents with you both.
    And that recipe looks delicious!

  2. GlochidiaGirl says:

    I think mom guilt is a pretty universal thing. I’m older than you, and during a conversation with my mom earlier this year, she apologized for not being a better mom. I told her that she was a good mom, not a perfect mom (’cause I don’t believe that exists any more than I believe in unicorns and fairies), but a good mom, and she shouldn’t feel guilty that she wasn’t perfect. Now I’m saying it to you, too. Much love, Jen

    1. Stephen says:

      That scramble looks amazing. I’ve done a baked version with tortilla chips and salsa.

      As for the guilt, it’s a universal parent thing. I feel it all the time as a father, and my dad recently apologized to me for not doing a better job. I think the key is to know that your kids will shock you with amazing despite your mistakes, just as much as they will screw up despite your rules and guidelines.

  3. Angie T. says:

    You’re doing an amazing job as a mom. It’s hard not to be hard on ourselves but I’m happy to see that you recognize that you need a break & some happiness too. Take care of you.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Parenting ,its not all its cracked up to be.You can give it your all and people ,even family will still judge you and say you are doing it all wrong.Just do your best and love them the most because you NEVER know what tomorrow will Birng us.If you are even half as good as you are at writing than you already are an amazing mum

  5. Rick Elliott says:

    Lovely post, Jewel. You are a ray of sunshine and I feel your family are lucky to have you (not simply because of the food either…)

  6. Eric says:

    He certainly looks happy! For me a lot of personal rules get outed as quite arbitrary when every day you’re hit with the knowledge that so many people are suffering and having to make do with so much less right now. I don’t have children — I’ve always had enough trouble dealing with my own inner child — but don’t forget that they need their self-care as much as anyone else! Just getting a little glimpse of how crazy the world is right now is *plenty* enough to give anyone a sense of queasiness, I don’t care how old they are. 🙂

    Thank you for continuing to update! You’re one of the few voices I can stand to hear/read lately. Thank you for being good people.

  7. clint b says:

    Don’t ever worry about messing up your kid. Ever. It’s going to happen no matter what we do. They will become fucked up in ways we can’t even imagine (or prevent!), so there’s no point in worrying. Just do your best and lead with love. And pizza.

  8. Clayton Amburgey says:

    I can totally understand and sympathize with you, I’m in my early 50’s and have two kids, ages 5& 3.
    Parenting is HARD some days, and much like you, I’ve kinda had to pull back on having rules for some things, for my own sanity.
    My 5 year old daughter wanted to wear her Wonder Woman play dress with her rain boots to the grocery store the other day, I was having a rough day to begin with, and thought, “Hell with it, let her go “
    Turned out to be probably the best thing I could have done, she thanked me and I was her hero for a few days, because of it.
    So maybe giving up some rules is not a bad thing, just difficult to do. We all just have to take a deep breath, and get through it….just breathe, remember to breathe….

  9. Fernando says:

    You need to pay attention to the important stuff. Not from your point of view but from your son’s point of view.
    Are you singing to your song when you put him to sleep? I remember the voice of my mother singing me “3 little piglets”… after 57 years. If your song knows that you are available for anything he wants to tell you that happened to him any day, you were successful in his education. If he can tell you about any crazy dream he has and that you will support him, he will be happy.

  10. Phil Parker says:

    Your little one nearly always has a huge smile on his face in every picture-proof that he’s happy… And you’ve posted several pictures that he has taken of you and His Dad-proof he likes seeing you happy/aka that he loves y’all…. Strong case in favor of you being that Great Mom right there…

    We have three kiddos… Two have grown and flown the coop and the little one is finishing up her Freshman year of HS… And I still get bouts of the Dad guilt…but they grow up to be their own person even if we do have hiccups along the way… A few missed bedtimes and a handful of latenight bags of popcorn won’t mess them up…

    Oh…and the migas look and sound ¡muy sabrosa!

  11. Jen says:

    My sister and I talk about this often. We want our kids to grow up and be ok. Not so needy that they fear leaving home but not so anxious to go that they leave the first chance they get. Screen time is a tricky thing because for decades science has yelled at patents about it and now suddenly everyone is saying “whatevs”. I’ve chosen to relax. My oldest (13) had unlimited time (Since we’re all stuck here) once she was done with schoolwork and now she’s decided to do artsy things and is creating the most amazing stuff! My youngest (11), same deal. She is CONSTANTLY on her iPad but she also wants to get into coding and is starting to research gaming code. So, either way they’re being inspired, right? And if they are happy and healthy right now, I think that’s a win. Plus, some sanity is always a good thing. Take care and stay healthy (and enjoy your Girl Guide cookies!)

  12. Manita says:

    Love this Jewel!♥️

  13. Jen Jardim says:

    I just started finished reading Glennon’s newest book, Untamed and WOW is it full of great stuff. I loved the audiobook! You’re doing a great job! ❤️

  14. RICHY R. says:

    Unrelated comment, sorry. When I first saw this page in 2012ish there was an awesome recipe for a spinach gorgonzola pasta dish. I can no longer find the recipe on here, so if someone wrote it down or has a link could they respond! I used to make a double batch of this in my barracks room on a hot plate and me and my old army buddies would eat this for most of a week. Feeling nostalgic and would love to make a normal size batch.

  15. David P Burns says:

    Hey Jewel,
    Our most precious commodity is time.
    Spend it wisely on your big and little men.
    Let their revealed secrets be held by you forever.
    Keep yourself healthy such that you can keep them healthy.
    much love to your family.

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